My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
