I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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