if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
