Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
