and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
