We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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