First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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