Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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