how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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