dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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