It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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