Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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