She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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