idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
