Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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