He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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