i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
