Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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