carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
