in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
