you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
