Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
