So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
