I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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