I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
