My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
