I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
