I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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