he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
