I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
