Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
