literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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