i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
