well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
