You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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