i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
