I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
