____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
