If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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