Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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