Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
