So drunk its hurt
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
