So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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