The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
