a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
