your room smells of hookers.
And success
it wasn't lemon gatorade
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
