woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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