About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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