wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
