U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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