the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
