I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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