i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My penis needs a shock collar
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
